It's been a couple of months since I last updated anything on this blog, which has a lot to do with some major life changes and a ridiculously busy schedule. But it also has something to do with the fact that the same issue has kept popping up in my mind over and over again, and I could never convince myself it was worth writing about. Now that I've spent nearly two months dwelling on the same topic, though, I've decided the only way to get it off my chest is to put my thoughts on display here.
Back in early January, I was sharing some concerns about my future with a coworker. My husband and I are at a point in our lives where we know everything is about to change, but we have no way of knowing how that change will look or how it will effect the next few years. He's about to graduate with his bachelor's degree, and since I have been out of school for nearly a year now, that means we're taking a giant step away from the safety net that is college living. No more readily available loans, no more easily accessible jobs, no more cheap rent and utility fees. We have to be real grown-ups now. And all that with no promise that my husband will be able to find a job after graduation. It's a scary and exciting time.
While I was discussing this with my coworker, another employee--an older gentlemen who I would gauge to be in his sixties--made a comment about my generation and our issue with entitlement. I was taken aback. His comment was not the first directed at me that accused all people born in the 90's of feeling like the world needs to instantly gratify our every whim. But at the same time, I couldn't help but feel my hackles rise a little. Was I really acting like I was entitled simply because I wanted to know a little more about how my future was going to look in a few months? In my mind, that was a pretty reasonable desire. What is it about my generation--and the generation that's following ours--that makes seniors look on with disapproval and accuse us of being too entitled?
I tried to push the comment aside, but ever since then I've heard more and more people throwing that word around like they're describing an illness that everyone (apart from themselves) suffers from.
"Kids these days are so entitled! They feel like they need to be entertained all the time."
"This is the thing about your generation: you're all accustomed to having everything given to you instantaneously. It's why you're so entitled."
"Just because you have the internet on your phone doesn't mean you're entitled to have everything all at once. Some of us had to work for the things we wanted."
I've known some pretty entitled people in my life. People who thought that for one reason or another they were supposed to be treated differently. They just were always certain that they were right. But I don't see myself that way. I've never thought my way was the only way to think, or the only way to do something. I've never thought I deserved special treatment, or even expected things to be delivered to me instantaneously simply because I grew up in the Information Age. I was raised in a home that expected me to earn the things that I wanted. I had to do chores, babysit, and get good grades if I wanted an allowance. And I was held accountable for my actions. Those simple structures within my home were the antidote to entitlement. I'm not really sure I could've developed an entitled attitude if I had tried.
I don't say this to praise myself or even to defend my wounded pride against the statement of an elderly coworker. I say it because entitlement is not a natural element in most people's personalities. It is a learned, or nurtured, trait. Entitlement grows inside someone when they live a lifestyle that does constantly provide them with their every whim. Usually we call this being spoiled, but it doesn't only exist in homes where parents lavish gifts upon their children. It also takes place in homes where parents don't have high expectations for their kids. They don't expect them to clean up after themselves, or to learn to cook, or to be polite and respectful, or to do anything by themselves. It can happen in a poverty ridden home the same way it can happen in a home where every kid has a cell phone, a tablet, a personal computer, and a car of their own. It has nothing to do with information or technology being readily and instantaneously available. It has everything to do with being taught--either directly or unintentionally--that things will be provided for you and that you can do whatever you want and still be taken care of. Most importantly, it has to do with consequences, or more accurately, a lack thereof.
At the school I work for, we call this mindset being a "me-thinker." It means you're focused inward instead of outward. Your world revolves around your own current state and is entirely wrapped up in your present moment. One of the teachers down the hall from me has a sign hung up in her classroom that I love. It says, "Fair doesn't mean everyone gets the same thing. It means everyone gets what they need." The problem of entitlement stems from the mindset that in order for the world to be fair, everyone needs to get the exact same treatment without anyone actually earning it or requiring it. That faulty thinking can happen to anyone, at any time, in any generation.
In fact, not so long ago I heard someone my age make a comment about their child's entitled attitude, and it concerned me a great deal. People in my age group have been accused for our whole lives of being entitled technology addicts, and I'm seeing this trend be passed on. As my peers are becoming parents, they aren't making the necessary changes to ensure that their own kids are not me-thinkers. Instead of teaching their child restraint and discipline, they're putting a tablet in their hands and then marveling when that same child complains that they need to constantly be entertained. It's the responsibility of the parent to teach self-reliance and selflessness. A kid can't learn that on their own. And the unfortunate truth is, if it's not being taught, the likelihood is that the opposite is what is being learned. In some ways, I'm even more concerned when the accusation of "entitlement" leaves the mouth of someone my age than I am when it comes from someone in their 60's. Especially if that accusation is in connection with technology. If we buy into the mindset that instant gratification comes from technology and not from a parent's failure to teach restraint, then more and more entitled kids are going to be brought up in this world.
So yes, it does bother me when people accuse me and my fellow 90's kids of being entitled simply because the world is moving too fast for previous generations to feel comfortable in. Yes, we do get information instantly today. And yes, we do live in a world where technology is always at our fingertips. But that isn't the cause of entitlement. If our generation is any more entitled than previous generations, it's because our parents--not our generation--forgot to teach us that life requires hard work and effort, as well as the ability to survive the unfair. I'm grateful that I had parents who taught me to take care of myself, and not expect things to be delivered to me on a silver platter. But I'd greatly appreciate it if people of previous generations would stop blaming technology and making blanket statements about "my generation" and start owning up to the fact that kids can't learn what they're not taught.
Back in early January, I was sharing some concerns about my future with a coworker. My husband and I are at a point in our lives where we know everything is about to change, but we have no way of knowing how that change will look or how it will effect the next few years. He's about to graduate with his bachelor's degree, and since I have been out of school for nearly a year now, that means we're taking a giant step away from the safety net that is college living. No more readily available loans, no more easily accessible jobs, no more cheap rent and utility fees. We have to be real grown-ups now. And all that with no promise that my husband will be able to find a job after graduation. It's a scary and exciting time.
While I was discussing this with my coworker, another employee--an older gentlemen who I would gauge to be in his sixties--made a comment about my generation and our issue with entitlement. I was taken aback. His comment was not the first directed at me that accused all people born in the 90's of feeling like the world needs to instantly gratify our every whim. But at the same time, I couldn't help but feel my hackles rise a little. Was I really acting like I was entitled simply because I wanted to know a little more about how my future was going to look in a few months? In my mind, that was a pretty reasonable desire. What is it about my generation--and the generation that's following ours--that makes seniors look on with disapproval and accuse us of being too entitled?
I tried to push the comment aside, but ever since then I've heard more and more people throwing that word around like they're describing an illness that everyone (apart from themselves) suffers from.
"Kids these days are so entitled! They feel like they need to be entertained all the time."
"This is the thing about your generation: you're all accustomed to having everything given to you instantaneously. It's why you're so entitled."
"Just because you have the internet on your phone doesn't mean you're entitled to have everything all at once. Some of us had to work for the things we wanted."
I've known some pretty entitled people in my life. People who thought that for one reason or another they were supposed to be treated differently. They just were always certain that they were right. But I don't see myself that way. I've never thought my way was the only way to think, or the only way to do something. I've never thought I deserved special treatment, or even expected things to be delivered to me instantaneously simply because I grew up in the Information Age. I was raised in a home that expected me to earn the things that I wanted. I had to do chores, babysit, and get good grades if I wanted an allowance. And I was held accountable for my actions. Those simple structures within my home were the antidote to entitlement. I'm not really sure I could've developed an entitled attitude if I had tried.
I don't say this to praise myself or even to defend my wounded pride against the statement of an elderly coworker. I say it because entitlement is not a natural element in most people's personalities. It is a learned, or nurtured, trait. Entitlement grows inside someone when they live a lifestyle that does constantly provide them with their every whim. Usually we call this being spoiled, but it doesn't only exist in homes where parents lavish gifts upon their children. It also takes place in homes where parents don't have high expectations for their kids. They don't expect them to clean up after themselves, or to learn to cook, or to be polite and respectful, or to do anything by themselves. It can happen in a poverty ridden home the same way it can happen in a home where every kid has a cell phone, a tablet, a personal computer, and a car of their own. It has nothing to do with information or technology being readily and instantaneously available. It has everything to do with being taught--either directly or unintentionally--that things will be provided for you and that you can do whatever you want and still be taken care of. Most importantly, it has to do with consequences, or more accurately, a lack thereof.
At the school I work for, we call this mindset being a "me-thinker." It means you're focused inward instead of outward. Your world revolves around your own current state and is entirely wrapped up in your present moment. One of the teachers down the hall from me has a sign hung up in her classroom that I love. It says, "Fair doesn't mean everyone gets the same thing. It means everyone gets what they need." The problem of entitlement stems from the mindset that in order for the world to be fair, everyone needs to get the exact same treatment without anyone actually earning it or requiring it. That faulty thinking can happen to anyone, at any time, in any generation.
In fact, not so long ago I heard someone my age make a comment about their child's entitled attitude, and it concerned me a great deal. People in my age group have been accused for our whole lives of being entitled technology addicts, and I'm seeing this trend be passed on. As my peers are becoming parents, they aren't making the necessary changes to ensure that their own kids are not me-thinkers. Instead of teaching their child restraint and discipline, they're putting a tablet in their hands and then marveling when that same child complains that they need to constantly be entertained. It's the responsibility of the parent to teach self-reliance and selflessness. A kid can't learn that on their own. And the unfortunate truth is, if it's not being taught, the likelihood is that the opposite is what is being learned. In some ways, I'm even more concerned when the accusation of "entitlement" leaves the mouth of someone my age than I am when it comes from someone in their 60's. Especially if that accusation is in connection with technology. If we buy into the mindset that instant gratification comes from technology and not from a parent's failure to teach restraint, then more and more entitled kids are going to be brought up in this world.
So yes, it does bother me when people accuse me and my fellow 90's kids of being entitled simply because the world is moving too fast for previous generations to feel comfortable in. Yes, we do get information instantly today. And yes, we do live in a world where technology is always at our fingertips. But that isn't the cause of entitlement. If our generation is any more entitled than previous generations, it's because our parents--not our generation--forgot to teach us that life requires hard work and effort, as well as the ability to survive the unfair. I'm grateful that I had parents who taught me to take care of myself, and not expect things to be delivered to me on a silver platter. But I'd greatly appreciate it if people of previous generations would stop blaming technology and making blanket statements about "my generation" and start owning up to the fact that kids can't learn what they're not taught.